Silence, stillness and patience

We live in a world of the 24 hour news cycle. We are fed bite sized chunks of pop culture, news and memes that provide us with numerous distractions through our day. Each bite seems to evoke a base and visceral reaction from us. We are either enraged, or amused by what we experience. Very few actually stop to actually see what these bites are doing to us and our mental programming. Some of us even create our own bite sized pieces of content so that we are seen and heard. Is it a surprise to us that we live in such a culture of outrage and division? 

We are becoming increasingly tribal and divisive. We flock to those with whom we agree, and demonize the ones with whom we disagree. We tend to paint people with a broad brush based on their opinion on a single issue because we inherently have a need to be right. It is once again, a power dynamic where we have to prove or be proven to be superior to those opposing us. Regardless of whether we might have more in common with them on every other issue, we will turn a single point into a major schism. This need to be right comes from the external source of power and the system of which we are all a part.

However, if we take the time to be still and silent and if we listen and process our thoughts and feelings without expressing them, we will see that our emotional response could be unwarranted. So how do we practice stillness and silence? A first step is to turn off the bite sized noise that is being piped in through your phone, television, radio and the internet. I’ll give you one particularly poignant example. I sometimes listen to the radio in the car as I drive. Generally, a station tends to play popular songs back to back, and I feel lulled into a sense of distracted listening to the radio as I am driving. I am so distracted, in fact, that I am completely unaware that the songs have ended, and the radio has started playing advertisements and I am now being subconsciously fed ideas about going to my nearest car dealership, or furniture superstore!

Once we turn off the noise and can be alone with our thoughts, even for 15-30 minutes per day, we have a chance to reflect on everything we’ve experienced throughout the day. We can choose to have our feelings on particular things without the immediate visceral reaction. Personally, I like to go outside and take a walk in the yard or on a trail so that I can be by myself and my thoughts in nature. It is by this regular practice that we start building our mental muscles to be able to listen to the universe. We start realizing a couple of things. Firstly, we don’t always have to be right - our power comes from ourselves and we don’t need validation. Secondly, it is ok to change one’s mind and opinions on some things - it’s called growth.

As a long time martial artist, I have been practicing stillness for years. I can tell you that this mental practice is a lot harder than the physical aspects of martial arts. A physical technique can be practiced, honed and improved over time and as you do so, your body will become fit and adapted to the movement. Often as a beginning practitioner, we have this misconceived notion that a good martial artist has to be stronger, faster and more technical than their opponent, and we train our bodies to do just that. However, this approach has diminishing returns against father time. The Wing Chun concept of sensitivity serves me well here as I am getting older. When I am in contact with another person, I am listening to them with my body. When I feel emptiness, I can move in to take up that space. When I feel pressure, I give way so that I can absorb that pressure. I do not disengage from the emptiness so that I am seeking contact, nor do I fight my opponent’s pressure with my own as that causes disharmony. We should think about a martial exchange as a conversation instead of a fight. The key to any successful conversation or exchange of ideas is to listen. 

As a beginner and a white belt in Jiu Jitsu, I have found that I have had to re-acquaint myself with the practice of mindful listening. It has been the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do as well as one of the most rewarding. The key difference, in my opinion, between Jiu Jitsu and the other martial arts that I have practiced, is that I am battle-tested every day mentally and physically. My background and experience with martial arts prior to Jiu Jitsu has been primarily striking. In that arena, it is not possible to train and spar on a daily basis with punches and kicks to the body and head. Nobody wants to go home from a training session with serious injuries to the head or body. As Jiu Jitsu is predominantly a grappling art with chokes and joint locks, it is possible to battle-test and train regularly without serious head or body trauma. In this arena, on the mats, I had to leave all external illusions of my prior martial arts training and expertise and learn something new.

The first and last opponent that you have to triumph over in Jiu Jitsu is yourself. Whether you come into the art as a newbie to martial arts, or if you have prior experience in other arts, you will have to first humble yourself to learn something new. Jiu Jitsu has a way of exposing our deepest insecurities and weaknesses to us through repeatedly getting humbled on the mats every day. Regardless of who you are sparring against, your true opponent is yourself. Are you better today than you were yesterday? Inherently, Jiu Jitsu challenges you to look inwards for improvement, regardless of every external factor that you’re encountering. This is incredibly difficult for people to do, especially in the aforementioned bite sized instant gratification world that we live in. 

Having stillness and silence in your mind, and then listening to and feeling your training partners is the surest way to improve. Yes, you will make mistakes, and yes, you will be submitted through chokes and joint locks. However as you continue your practice being present, being still and listening, you will start understanding that your body subconsciously knows how to move and deal with what is being sent your way. This is the key to success in a Jiu Jitsu practice, and in life as the lessons learned on the mat can easily translate to your daily life. By listening to the universe, you will naturally know how to respond accordingly to it.